The Book of the Derby
Now behold, there dwelt in the city of Hillsboro a man named Phil, who was a man of
few talents.
2 And it
came to pass that in the tenth month of the year it was the tradition of
certain of the people to gather together to celebrate and race their Pinewood
Derby cars.
3 Now it was that all of the people,
save Phil, did put off preparing their Pinewood Derby cars to race, some even
did procrastinate their work until the day of the derby.
4 And Phil said to himself on this
wise: lo, though I be a man of little
talent, I shall begin early the work on my derby racer, lest by my sloth I am
overcome at the derby, and I prevail not.
5 And though this be but the sixth month
I shall trust in the wisdom of God, that through his wisdom I might be
delivered.
6 Thus did Phil begin at an early time,
yea, even an exceedingly early time, to build and prepare his car for the
derby.
7 And it came to pass that Phil did
labor with his might and with his power tools and with his calipers and with
his magnifiers, yea, even with all the means which he had been blessed
with.
8 And Phil did labor with his hands for
many months, and after spending all that he had on this one car, he raised up
the work of his hands and said:
9 Behold the work of mine hand! Through the strength of the arm of the Lord,
who has magnified my talents, have I built this Pinewood Derby racer. And behold, it is beautiful and desirable
above all other cars that before I have made.
10 Blessed be the name of the Lord, for
through his wisdom shall I overcome my adversaries.
11 Now after many days came Phil to the
place where the multitude had gathered together to race their cars and to cast
their eyes upon the cars of their adversaries.
12 But the heart of Phil was stirred within
him with fear, for he feared that his car should not prevail over all the
others, notwithstanding his cars never have been beaten.
13 Nevertheless, Phil did beat his breast
and gnash his teeth and sweat great drops of sweat, but trusted in God for his
deliverance.
14 Now behold, in the first race Phil’s car
prevailed, and he was much relieved.
15 And in the second race, Phil did
overcome his adversaries, his car being faster than all others by an
embarrassing amount.
16 And lo, in all the races did Phil’s car
outpace those of his adversaries, even so that after all the races had been
raced, Phil had not been beaten.
17 And thus was Phil crowned with glory and
did receive a small plastic trophy, and he was glad in his heart that the
racing had been concluded.
18 But behold, though Phil was crowned with
glory and honor, many of his adversaries did not cease to complain, saying
among themselves that Phil had been dishonest in the making of his car, and
accusing him of using all manner of unnatural means of obtaining his victory
over them, notwithstanding Phil’s perfect uprightness before the Lord in
building his Pinewood Derby car.
19 Now his adversaries did murmur against
him, saying that he should give up his trophy, and be disqualified from the
races.
20 Nevertheless, despite their murmuring,
Phil’s adversaries did question him unceasingly concerning the building of his
car, hoping to build their cars as did he, so that they too could be
triumphant.
21 But because of their complaints, Phil
did become cross with them, and did give them no tips to improve their
cars.
